A quick note… after going through and auditing my blog recently, I noticed how many draft blog posts were just sitting there that were never published. And several are all written out and were just missing images. This is one of them, and I’m not sure why I never shared this story. I think it’s because I wasn’t sure if anyone would even want to read it. But this tiny nook of the internet is also kind of like my journal, so I wanted to post this now, a year later, because I never want to forget! I also think after reading and hearing so many awful birth stories (my first was pretty terrible) I want to share a positive birth story in a hospital.
It’s already been 3 weeks somehow since baby Theo arrived! I want to type this up so I never forget the details and so that others can read a positive birth story. Let me first say that my first delivery was the opposite of this one. I had such a horrific experience, I not only had complete anxiety every time I stepped into a hospital, but we waited years before trying to have another baby. When I was pregnant with Liam, it was a very stressful situation. We were 23 and not financially stable at all. I worked 10+ hour days making minimum wage at a coffee shop that refused to let me take breaks, even to eat lunch. We had one vehicle for most of my pregnancy so I had to ride my bike to work every day. We were on Medicaid and had no support system at all. No close friends and only one family member (my dad’s cousin) within a thousand miles of us. Then the experience at the hospital… oh man. I could spend hours going through the horrors of that labor and delivery and stay. I had family members telling me I should sue the hospital for the complete neglect, disrespect, and poor care that I received. It was not a great time and it set the tone for the first few years of motherhood for me. I never really knew how to advocate for myself as a young mother.
Fast forward 8 1/2 years later, and I am blessed with a beautiful birth story. One that has completely changed my view of labor and delivery.
For 36 weeks of my pregnancy I saw a nice Dr. in a women’s clinic here in my town. She was OK and I liked her enough. But I felt no connection at all. I felt like after all these visits, she still wouldn’t recognize me on the street. I wanted someone to help me through my labor the way I wanted. I wanted to trust her! I took a leap of faith and scheduled an appointment with a midwife several people recommended to me. BEST DECISION EVER. As soon as I walked into the practice, I knew I had found my people. The warm welcome and super friendly receptionist and nurses put my nervousness at ease about switching care so late in my pregnancy. I felt like I had a voice and that everyone there was actually listening to me and respecting my wishes for both my pregnancy and my delivery.
My due date comes and goes and I am in a LOT of pain with a hip that decided to slip out of place, making my one leg a couple inches longer than the other. I can’t sleep and I am so swollen you can’t see my knuckles or ankle bones and my toes have doubled in size. I was so surprised baby Theo hadn’t come yet. I was convinced I was having him a couple weeks early since he was measuring so large and I had contractions on and off for weeks. Every night I went to bed thinking “this is the night!” and then couldn’t sleep. I had my membranes stripped twice and nothing. Then on a Friday at my last scheduled appointment, I ask to be induced. I was so nervous about this decision because I really wanted baby to come when he was ready.
A few hours later I get a call that the hospital can admit me that evening and at midnight. We ate dinner, threw our bags in the car, and visited with my parents for a bit before heading to the hospital.
I received a very low dosage of Pitocin so that I could get some sleep before the big show. I woke up in the morning with very light and sporadic contractions. Then at around 11:00 (I think) my midwife broke my water. This was such an odd feeling! I had been in the tub when my water broke with my first so I didn’t realize just how much fluid comes out. It gushed and gushed for several minutes. And guess what? Baby Theo was in distress and had a LOT of meconium. My midwife said it was a good thing I was induced. I felt a huge relief that I had made the right choice and that I was listening to my body.
Labor progresses and I bounce on my birthing ball to help relieve pain. When I felt like I couldn’t bare it anymore, I went into the big birthing tub. Instant relief from the intense pain flows over my body. Nate is there playing my Spotify playlist, rubbing my back with the Labor Of Love Oil blend I was gifted . Randomly rolling on the lavender essential oil I brought on my neck and holding it up to my nose to smell. Some moments are a complete blur and some are so clear to me.
Nate hands me my combs. This actually WORKS, my friends. If you have no idea what I am talking about…. I watched a YouTube video once about how holding a comb with the teeth pointing just below where your fingers meet your palm can help provide a distraction during labor, helping to take away a bit of the pain. The comb and the sensation of it on your hand can act as a focal point during labor and is something to concentrate on. And it helped! I gripped those combs while breathing in the tub like my life depended on it. I moved around in the tub a lot and my midwife and Nate were there to help me. It was as if they both anticipated my every move. I felt so supported and cared for. I felt safe.
One major thing that I had this labor… Jesus. He was THERE in that room with me when I was in the tub and I truly felt his presence.
I had laminated some bible verses and a couple of my own affirmations and Nate propped them up for me around the tub. As the contractions got super intense, I held my combs and stared at my cards and said them over and over again to myself. I knew it was almost time to push but my strength was already leaving me. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I knew I needed an epidural. I hadn’t planned on getting one but knew that if I needed one I would ask. Right after saying that to my midwife, she says baby’s heart rate is dropping and I had to quickly get out of the tub. I have no idea how I even stood up and climbed out of the tub. I remember thinking that my legs just did not work anymore at all. Nate helped me to the bed and my midwife checks my cervix. I am at a 9 !
I remember laying on my right side having a hard time with my breathing. I just couldn’t catch my breath. It turned more into moans and groans that grew louder and louder. I felt like I needed to scream but tried not to. I knew I was losing control of my breath. I was dizzy and couldn’t really see anything. I had a lot of emotions at this point. I was excited because I knew I would be finally meeting my baby but I was also very scared because kept asking when the epidural was coming and wanted to make sure I had actually asked for one and didn’t think it just in my head. A Dr. comes in and gives me an epidural and within 10 minutes I am pushing! I push for less than 15 minutes when baby’s head is finally out! This was such a HUGE difference than with my first where I had pushed for almost 4 hours!! Then I feel a shift in the room. Something isn’t right. Baby’s head is out and I am pushing and pushing with everything in me and he isn’t coming out. Theo’s head was out for 2 minutes before the rest of his body came out. My midwife looked at me and I made eye contact with her for the first time in hours… I knew she was about to do something to get him out. She braced me for what was to come. She “corkscrewed” him out as I pushed so hard I saw stars.
Later my midwife told me that it was a good thing I had that epidural because I would not have been able to handle that pain of him getting twisted out of me. Once again, I had listened to my body and was so thankful for that.
He’s out! Praise Jesus he is out and the pain is gone. They lay him on my chest right away but he’s not crying. He’s not moving. Within seconds his umbilical cord is being cut and he’s carried away to the examination table and a flood of Dr’s and nurses are there saying terms I didn’t know. I see them putting things up to his nose and mouth. I can barely see him through the people standing there. I have no idea what is happening and strain my neck as far as I can to get a glimpse of him. He’s just laying there blue and so still and so quiet. I make eye contact with Nate who is on my left holding my hand. His eyes are filling with tears and for a moment I thought he was dead. Then I felt Jesus there in that room with me again and knew he was going to be OK.
Then the smallest little cry you ever did hear. Everyone in the room seemed to all take a big breath at the same time. Poor little Theo needed some extra help breathing and sucking out all the Meconium. When he was finally laid on my chest again, I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude and joy. My little miracle rainbow baby was finally here. My prayers had been answered.
Theodore Jackson Barnett was born at 4:28 PM on August 14th 2021. He weighed 9 lbs and 1 oz and 21 inches long.
Because of the trauma of his head being out for 2 minutes while his body still in the birth canal, the corkscrew maneuver that got him out, and all the issues had breathing in the beginning, we had to have a nurse stay in the room with us for the first six hours. This was a bit rough because we didn’t even have a minute to just have it us three and breath. But I knew she was there just in case.
I called my parents who were able to come right away and bring Liam! They had to take turns because only two visitors are allowed in at a time. They also let me have visitors come well past visiting hours. I had so much energy and adrenaline pumping through my body still, I felt like I could run a marathon. I was just so happy! My parents were there this time, Liam was able to meet his baby brother, Theo was doing great, and I was humbled by the miracle of life.
My parents and Liam came to the hospital again the next day and Liam was ready to try holding his baby brother for the first time. I definitely cried tears of joy watching this core memory in the making.
Now 13 months after Theodore’s birth, I am reading through my birth story I had typed up in a hurry late one night a few weeks after he was born. How was this ONE WHOLE YEAR AGO?! I had planned to share SO much over this last year that I just didn’t have the time to… My favorite baby gear, his monthly updates, what life is like now with two children. But ya know what? I was busy living life and trying to soak it all up. I had SO many sleepless nights, and still do thanks to teething. I just didn’t have the mental capacity to write and publish all the blog posts I wanted to create. What a beautiful year it has been. And I am still so thankful for my amazing midwife that truly made the world of difference during this delivery. Even though it was not my plan to get induced, not my plan to get an epidural, and it was terrifying to see my baby having difficulty to breathe those first few minutes of his life… I still consider my experience a positive one. I felt so much love and support in that room and was just overwhelmed with the presence of Jesus when I called out to Him.
A year of Theodore
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